Mom Life, Unfiltered (#Motherfunny #Shop)

 CB-sponsored-post-white-script-600 has asked me to write a little bit about life before kids vs. life now, with two. Where do you even start with something like that? Life in every aspect is different in a night/day kind of way. But who am I to say no to Nick? So, I started thinking about all the things that have changed since these little monsters came to be…

Look pretty innocent, don’t they? Don’t let them fool you. They’ve taken over the world.

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Obviously, having kids changes your life. But the changes that surprised me the most had nothing to do with giving up late nights or partying or any of that kind of stuff. (Yup, I’m sharing it. Here’s an old disposable camera pic of my husband and I way back in the land before time, when we were the coolest kids on the block. Or so we thought…) Ah, freedom….
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I can’t say I was that shocked when I realized that no matter how hard I try, cry, beg and plead, a clean house is just not going to happen.

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And I wasn’t even surprised when we started avoiding restaurants completely in favor of takeout because, well, THIS.

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Those changes are all things that I expected. Things that are just par for the course. But the one thing I wasn’t ready for was the sheer unpredictability of it all. The things kids want, the things they do, and especially the things they say. Like my son’s unwavering need to make conversation with every single person we meet, everywhere we go, and the sheer absence of filter when every thought in his head comes tumbling out all over everyone.

“Hey! You know what?!” I hear it 100 times a day, and it’s become very clear to me that most of the time, what this really means is, “Hey Mom! I’m about to come out with a good one! Better duck and run!”

To the complete stranger at Target: “Hey, you know what? My sister doesn’t have a penis!” (especially good when it’s directed at the teenage boy cashier)

To freaking SANTA CLAUS: “Hey, you know what? Pee comes out of my penis!”

(Are you sensing a trend here?)

Everywhere, all the time: “Hey! You know what? I HAVE TO POOP!”

I won’t even get into the really off-the-wall stuff (because frankly some of it makes my kid seem a little weird) but hey, you know what? No matter how much I’d like to shrink into the floorboards from time to time, I wouldn’t trade these munchkins for anything. Life with 2 tiny littles is certainly not the time to take yourself too seriously. You just have to laugh.

…but it is the time to write everything down so you can remind them of it later!
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  1. Eva says

    Just look on the bright side, in a few years you will actually miss these situations and tell yourself life was so much easier when they were little. And having children of your own teaches you what your parents went through with you as a child.

    • Wendy says

      I am positive that I will look back and miss these days. My mom lives close by and sees it all, and she’s quick to remind me what I did as a kid!

  2. Helene Cohen Bludman says

    Oh this brings back memories of one of my daughters who was so likely to say the most inappropriate things in public that we had to muzzle her. Just kidding! But we sure felt like it sometimes.

  3. Jutta P says

    yes, eating out with kids is a nightmare. Haha! Never thought I would love cooking so much just to avoid it. Also, I have one of those weird, I mean normal, kids that like to poop in new places. Yup, gotta love a mommy’s world!

  4. says

    OH my gosh, this made me laugh out loud SO hard! My daughter is 4 and talks about her vagina all the time in public. Luckily, God forgot to install my “embarrassment” meter, so nothing truly embarrasses me, but sometimes I do look around to see who is smirking. I generally answer her back with something equally off the wall. A little shock therapy never hurt anyone. Your little guy sounds super cute and I love that he appreciates a little penis humor. #client
    Summer Davis recently posted…Food Around the World with Disney’s Planes!My Profile

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