Mom Life, Unfiltered (#Motherfunny #Shop)

 CB-sponsored-post-white-script-600 has asked me to write a little bit about life before kids vs. life now, with two. Where do you even start with something like that? Life in every aspect is different in a night/day kind of way. But who am I to say no to Nick? So, I started thinking about all the things that have changed since these little monsters came to be…

Look pretty innocent, don’t they? Don’t let them fool you. They’ve taken over the world.

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Obviously, having kids changes your life. But the changes that surprised me the most had nothing to do with giving up late nights or partying or any of that kind of stuff. (Yup, I’m sharing it. Here’s an old disposable camera pic of my husband and I way back in the land before time, when we were the coolest kids on the block. Or so we thought…) Ah, freedom….
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I can’t say I was that shocked when I realized that no matter how hard I try, cry, beg and plead, a clean house is just not going to happen.

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And I wasn’t even surprised when we started avoiding restaurants completely in favor of takeout because, well, THIS.

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Those changes are all things that I expected. Things that are just par for the course. But the one thing I wasn’t ready for was the sheer unpredictability of it all. The things kids want, the things they do, and especially the things they say. Like my son’s unwavering need to make conversation with every single person we meet, everywhere we go, and the sheer absence of filter when every thought in his head comes tumbling out all over everyone.

“Hey! You know what?!” I hear it 100 times a day, and it’s become very clear to me that most of the time, what this really means is, “Hey Mom! I’m about to come out with a good one! Better duck and run!”

To the complete stranger at Target: “Hey, you know what? My sister doesn’t have a penis!” (especially good when it’s directed at the teenage boy cashier)

To freaking SANTA CLAUS: “Hey, you know what? Pee comes out of my penis!”

(Are you sensing a trend here?)

Everywhere, all the time: “Hey! You know what? I HAVE TO POOP!”

I won’t even get into the really off-the-wall stuff (because frankly some of it makes my kid seem a little weird) but hey, you know what? No matter how much I’d like to shrink into the floorboards from time to time, I wouldn’t trade these munchkins for anything. Life with 2 tiny littles is certainly not the time to take yourself too seriously. You just have to laugh.

…but it is the time to write everything down so you can remind them of it later!
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  1. Just look on the bright side, in a few years you will actually miss these situations and tell yourself life was so much easier when they were little. And having children of your own teaches you what your parents went through with you as a child.

    • I am positive that I will look back and miss these days. My mom lives close by and sees it all, and she’s quick to remind me what I did as a kid!

  2. OH . Just Love this! So true and funny!
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  3. adorable children! My children do that to and it seems loud in public , ” I have to poop”! Embarrassing but I will miss these days as they grow older!
    Mama to 5 BLessings recently posted..Play & Sleep – Tuesday/Wednesday Wordless Wednesday With LinkyMy Profile

  4. My little guys scream out facts about their penis so hopfully that will pass LOL
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  5. Sometimes we just have to laugh at what our lives have turned into when we have little ones. They are the sweetest when they are sleeping, so I would always stare at my daughter when she was asleep – I would try to remember that little sweet face when she was getting in trouble.
    Cynthia L recently posted..Cranberry Recipes – Just in time for ThanksgivingMy Profile

  6. My kind of unfiltered mom, a woman after my own heart. I too share the same cynical adoration for my kids. I just have one thing to say your stories get much more interesting when they become teens. hahaha
    Chrishelle @ Cheer MamaDrama recently posted..INTERVIEW WITH BROOK LEE, MEMORIES OF A BEAUTY QUEENMy Profile

  7. Oh my this was so funny and I can certainly relate! Even though it’s crazy I wouldn’t change anything either!
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  8. hahahahaha i love the kid in the trash can!! that’s classic.
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  9. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    Oh this brings back memories of one of my daughters who was so likely to say the most inappropriate things in public that we had to muzzle her. Just kidding! But we sure felt like it sometimes.

  10. Too funny. Kids say the funniest stuff . . . often about pooping or body parts!
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  11. But whyyyyyyy mom whyyyyyyyy . . . if you aren’t there yet, you will be LOL
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  12. yes, eating out with kids is a nightmare. Haha! Never thought I would love cooking so much just to avoid it. Also, I have one of those weird, I mean normal, kids that like to poop in new places. Yup, gotta love a mommy’s world!

  13. Those pictures are so adorable. Great pictures.
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  14. I know my life has changed so much since having kids. They always do stuff at the worst possible moments!

  15. oh yeah I can totallybrelated to all of this!
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  16. What a fun flashback! LOVE the pics both past and present! It is amazing just how much life changes with kiddos!
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  17. Oh, my, gosh! The restaurant comic says it all for us! My son turns into a little gremlin when we go out out eat!
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  18. Lol the comic is the funniest. No wonder our parents didn’t take us to restaurants when we were young.

  19. Life before kids is definitely different from life after kids, but to be honest, it is much better after kids.
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  20. This is so funny. My kids can say the darndest things as well. And while it may embarrass me at the time, I can always look back and get a good laugh about it.
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  21. That lack of filter can be SO embarrassing as you clearly know! What’s with kids and their need for potty humor?!
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  22. The infographic is too funny!
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  23. Haha I love this ‘hey, ya know what?!” Kids are hilarious, aren’t they?!?
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  24. OH my gosh, this made me laugh out loud SO hard! My daughter is 4 and talks about her vagina all the time in public. Luckily, God forgot to install my “embarrassment” meter, so nothing truly embarrasses me, but sometimes I do look around to see who is smirking. I generally answer her back with something equally off the wall. A little shock therapy never hurt anyone. Your little guy sounds super cute and I love that he appreciates a little penis humor. #client
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